I’m very slowly learning to be more deliberate, after a lifetime of “leave that there, I’ll get to it” and “umm, I guess this is fine”.
Yeah, okay, I looked up the definition. “Consciously and intentionally,” yes. That’s exactly what I mean.
I can assign the cause of a lot of my negative traits to my parents’ flaws, and on my own wiring. But it’s also that I grew up in “survival mode-lite”: the kind that isn’t about immediate physical safety, but general instability, poverty, etc.
So, now.
I’m working my way through the training levels of Shambhala*, and they seem tailor-made to me. Of course, it’s tailor-made for humanity, because we tend to have the same types of issues.
– Learn to do nothing, well.
– Learn to be aware of your body and your self.
– Learn to hold space.
– Learn to be fully awake.
And so, I’m starting to see the effects of what I’m learning in the last few years — both internally, and in my surroundings.
After this last Shambhala training – level III – I set up a small shrine on a shelf in my room. A Buddha, my Dragon, a candle, and something for the 5 senses (Lego cherry blossoms, a tea bag, a mint, sand, and a bowl-bell).
My desk is right next to it, and I’m starting to “reset” it each day, so it’s usable (instead of being a pile of papers and debris).
I’ve organized my crafting supplies into boxes, stored in the closet.
I’d like to see this trend spread. I’d like to become more conscious, more intentional. More awake.
*Secular Buddhism, essentially.